I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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