so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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