Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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