I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My dick has a subreddit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
