Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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