You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
