i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize