Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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