I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
