I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
