mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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