mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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