last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
