8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
