Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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