Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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