So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
