so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my being single is dangerous.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
