It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
