Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize