Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
