i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
