Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
