I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
