Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
