Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
