Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Im part way to drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
