I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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