I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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