the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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