Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
