At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
