u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my being single is dangerous.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
