Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize