Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize