so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
