He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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