I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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