Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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