I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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