so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
