...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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