READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
