I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
