so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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