She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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