your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize