This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
