hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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