Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
