watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
