if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize