mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
