the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize