hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
