Welp...herpes.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
