Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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