She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize