tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
