i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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