I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
