My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
