you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
