question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
