Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
