who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
