At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
