i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
