Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
