I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
